my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
