Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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