There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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