I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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