Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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