my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Im part way to drunk.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
