Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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