Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize