I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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