my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize