I have demons in me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sarcasm needs its own font
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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