How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
