I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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