well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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