i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
