I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
