No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
