This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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