we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
