And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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