it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
