I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
