My cat gives me a boner
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
