We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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