my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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