i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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