Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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