"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
