Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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