Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
