Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
