Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I have demons in me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
