Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize