I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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