I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i've created a new STD.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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