i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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