I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
