i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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