it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
