This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
