forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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