I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
