hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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