well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
