You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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