plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
