she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
