i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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