shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
