The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
