Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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