why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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