Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
