I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
