dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
