Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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