i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
