These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
