dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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