I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
