Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
