Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
