She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
