I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
