There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
