Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize