i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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