Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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