I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
