just survived the first fart of the relationship.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
