My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
