My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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