You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So much Jack, so little girl.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
