Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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