READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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