I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
